Many of my friends and other bloggers I follow are doing this super cute thing where they’re telling about how they met their spouses and I thought, “This is a bandwagon I can jump on easily!” But when I started thinking about how Jess and I met, it occurred that some of the stuff that went into our relationship just wasn’t as satisfying unless you know the backstory. So here’s my life story, in pieces. Let’s start when I was 16, because that’s not cliche at all.
I had liked boys before this year, I had even dated a couple. But I had never been in love before that year, before that April 5th (thank you, diary). We were never “official”, there were no titles, but I was head over heels for this guy. It was a really big feeling and it felt really important and so I put a majority of my energy into it. We had kind of a Rory and Jess thing going on (not ironic *at all* that I eventually married a man named Jess)- good girl, bad boy; applies herself, slacks off; etc. As with a lot of things that don’t get the commitment of titles (not just relationships), this eventually just fizzled out over the summer, at least as far as there being an actual chance for this guy and me to grow together. But feelings like that don’t just fizzle out, generally, they need to be dealt with….and thus starts a theme in my life.
Angry, upset, and lonely another guy I had been interested in before (and had stayed friends with) was suddenly single and suddenly into me. So he and I dated (with titles!!) for a couple months. I really thought he was it- we shared a lot in common, had a similar worldview, our parents liked us and each other, things seemed great. And I was head over heels for him. I think having liked him before really fueled this, too, like, I had waited all this time to be with him and so I put all of that emotion into the relationship. I really didn’t see this breakup coming and I was a wreck over it. But he said something when he ended it that stuck with me for many years: “We got friend feelings mixed up with relationship feelings.” I scoffed at the time, but he was right. Friendship is absolutely a great base for a relationship but just because there’s a good friendship doesn’t mean that a good relationship will come from it. Not too long after we broke up, he started dating a girl that he would eventually marry- and she’s absolutely lovely and right for him, and I’m still friends with both of them.
In less than a year, I experienced a lot of really big feelings, had some oft-romanticized first love, and a bunch of heartache. And I had just started my senior year of high school. I didn’t date the rest of that year, I didn’t date for a really long time actually, but that’s getting ahead of myself. I worked on building really good friendships with girls and guys and just generally warded off any potential relationships, even if I was interested, too. I couldn’t shake this feeling of not being ready for another relationship and boy was I not ready! But I didn’t know why at the time. I know now and when I figured it out, things started falling in place for Jess and I. At the time, though, I just thought I was being prudent and no one really really sparked my interest deeply, anyway. So started a period of searching- for who I am, what I want, God, and what I was looking for/needed in a potential relationship. Oh, the road was long. That’s why we’re doing this in parts 😉
Totally unrelated! I’ve been writing a novel and I’m uploading the first draft of it in chapters on to Wattpad. If you love me, you should read it: https://www.wattpad.com/story/67404321-learning-as-i-go